Derealization the best and worst thing in life

2021.12.04 01:37 In_The_depths_ Derealization the best and worst thing in life

Background I've lived with constant derealization for 3 years. It's been clinical diagnosed and most of my therapist failed to help. Did ketamine assisted therapy about 3 weeks ago and has helped tremendously in my midset of derealization.
Both a supper power and a curse depending on the day derealization is all about mindset. When in a positive mindset you are free from the shackles of society. You can do anything and it doesn't matter. How fanatic is that. Want to travel the world with just a backpack and the kindness of strangers? You can figure out how to do that. Do you want to start an business selling chess pieces? You absolutely can. There is nothing stopping you. The idea that you need to get a job you hate so you can pay for a house that's to big to impress you neibors that will never be impressed with anything. You can look past the absurdity of everything and go an alternative route. Even if you belive nothing is real down to your core it doesn't matter. It's not like theirs an easy exit so enjoy it. You can look at life like a roller coaster. Things might seam scary but they are really thrilling. The ups and downs can both be enjoyed. It's like playing a video game where you might fail at parts but that's okay because it doesn't really matter you will get to the end of the game it might be hard but that challenge is where the fun is. We get to frame our lives and live it how we want to. You don't have to be told what to do, you don't have to be a big shot like society tells you to. You can live how you want.
But on the other hand when your outlook is negative which is almost always out of your control it can be hell. Not knowing what is real or false. Is it a dream, a simulation, is solipsim the answer. This only scrates the surface of the thoughts that circle your head at the speed of light along with other ideas exetential philosophers have proposed. You are detached from everything. Everything you once loved, everyone you once loved. Your hobbies and passions seam futile. Why do anything if this isn't real. Why should I live if nothings real. Why should I live if I feel nothing when I hug a loved one. Not emotionally and hardly physically. The warmth from people disappears. You feel alone, truly alone. Like being the only person on this rock as it flies through space. The disconnection is unbearable so you stop giving yourself hope by not connecting with anyone. You realize any romance is futile even though your in your young 20s when your old friends are all in either a serious relationship, married or is going from girl to girl. Knowing that you will never feel the warmth of another person like they can. Knowing that someone else can't relate because you can fathom describing it in words. Words can't explain what it's like, it's beyond words. The world will never be what it was before, and everything is changed for the worse. The only thing left is finding comfort in the immediate. Alchohol, tobacco, video games, binge watching Netflix, even watching someone play a game so you feel like you aren't so lonely. Derealization has stolen my life, when I'm negative it seams futile to ask for it back.
Derealization will change your life when you have it. I've had it for 3 years now. During that time I went and worked at a world class farm that was in my feild of study and interest. After the management treated the workers badly I decided I wanted to start a mushroom farm. It's been a year since I left that farm to start the mushroom farm. Derealization hasn't let up. But recently I did ketamine assisted therapy and it has changed my outlook so more often than not it's the positive outlook. Before the treatment my derealization was horrible and suicidal thoughts were constant. Questioning reality was constant. I was drinking daily 5-10 drinks often during the day If possible. It has helped tremendously since.
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2021.12.04 01:37 feartron December Stripers in NYC.

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2021.12.04 01:37 Terimummay Two tone SD43 bracelet…sell or nah? Switched to Rubber B for daily goodness.

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2021.12.04 01:37 Isthisajojorefrence5 The weapons

With the weapons I saw on murosamas wall of weapons katanas are you actually able to get them
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2021.12.04 01:37 throwthisawaymycat Hmm

Obviously a throwaway but I have a question. Anyone who works overnight not allowed to leave at 7 until given permission from management? Or is it just the childish store I work at?
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2021.12.04 01:37 Timeman5 I grew up with the 200x series and never got too many of the toys, so to have three separate lines out right now and I actually have the means to get some it’s a great time to be a fan, here are my most resent pick ups. And I also told myself I wasn’t going to get into the masterverse line but……….

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2021.12.04 01:37 SunsetCity45 First ranked game, the game crashes and i cop an L

Thanks 343.
I've literally never crashed in BTB or quickplay until that game. sick
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2021.12.04 01:37 KuroRead Watamote. Why are people even assuming it's gonna be a permanent change? - by @watamoteschizo

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2021.12.04 01:37 linusbottips TechLinked - No One’s Buying iPhones! (AGAIN!) December 3, 2021 at 07:39PM

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2021.12.04 01:37 wet_pussy0068 20[f4m]I'm horny wanna play ?

Add me on snapchat dianne21273
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2021.12.04 01:37 MamzirYT AGS Customer Support Lies About Ticket Submissions

So I contacted AGS on 12/2/21 and I explained my issue which is, since 1.1.1 the game refuses to launch and when I try to verify files it crashes Steam. I have tested on other games and New World is the only one. Before someone asks yes I've reinstalled. Back to the first conversation, they listened and told me that they had submitted the ticket then a there. I then emailed back and forth and gave them my logs and other "required" info.
So come today I got a strange email from AGS. Seeing this I decided to contact them to get some clarification...... and clarification I got. When the second CSR came on the line and was trying to find the information guess what we found out together. There was NO TICKET from the day before. So not only did they lie and waste my time, but I sent system info to this person. I explained the severity of this given the fact that, I can't play at all. The Rep just lied the whole time.
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2021.12.04 01:37 SenseiChimp Canada secures orders of Merck, Pfizer COVID-19 antiviral pills

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2021.12.04 01:37 Naturalnpretty2 Old TFIL Video

Does anyone remember the creepy milk cartons at salton city with Corey sam and colby? I can't believe elton had the guts to go back after they were being targeted. Does anyone know if the milk cartons are still there? Was there an investigation? Can there be an investigation? I'm surprised if it is still there
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2021.12.04 01:37 cursingsum9 I just finished my shift at 11:35 pm.

Curios on how everyone's day went?
Or just questions, honestly.
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2021.12.04 01:37 vixenxtr My best friend I told I missed my ex kissed her one the same day.

Heya, Ive been in a 1 year relationship with my ex. All was good and we kinda had a respectful mutual breakup just a month ago. I still missed her a fck ton nevertheless. I told my best friend about and he was listening and helping a lot. My ex texted me she wouldnt date or kiss any guy anytime soon and wanted to keep texting as friends but I wanted to no contact because I really tried to forget her, even though I still really loved her. However, after a great night out with friends, my best friend told me he wanted to speak with me. He told he felt super guilty but he kissed my ex pretty much directly after the break up, before she texted me she wouldnt do that. I felt the floor disappearing. He said he isnt proud of it and it was because of the alcohol. Also he said she told him to never speak with me about it, but he simply couldnt handle the guilty feeling. I told him I admired his strength to tell me but that he was 21 and alcohol was the weakest excuse ever. I said I would block him. He respected that, and also told me basically a lot of my and her friends knew about it (partly the same friend group). It was one long secret against me. I've been chronically ill for some time, working hard on my recovery, and they all knew that, now I am back at the beginning. I feel like it was a mistake between her and my friend that no one wanted to tell me to let me feel awful, but then he also told me she kissed another friend some time later. My world is upside down and I wanna die. I will just continue to believe I deserve wayyy better than this and I only will become stronger because of it. But my fking god, this is painful... If they would love eachother and tell me about it, it would be painful as well, but respectful. Now I feel I can trust no one....
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2021.12.04 01:37 SirW0nderBeard A Terminator 2 Tribute

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The car itself is a 2018 Mazda CX-9 Touring with 40K miles on it, selling for 22K
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2021.12.04 01:37 kes3 friendly volleyball

anyone want to play some casual volleyball at the village court tomorrow at 5pm?
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2021.12.04 01:37 UsualWizard OTC pain meds after booster

Is it ok to take tylenol or ibeprofain, AFTER getting the booster? I have read conflicting thoughts, and alittle confused.
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2021.12.04 01:37 Darujiboo Mars Rover is really just on Devon Island?

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