I can't stand living with my face anymore

2021.12.07 12:33 machuuchan I can't stand living with my face anymore

This is going to be a long self deprecating rant with possible dysphoria triggers. I'm not looking for reassurance, just felt like venting.
I don't think I will ever pass without surgery, more specifically facial feminization surgery, and this fact is devastating me. I have very prominent bone structures, which sucks because I had the "potential" to pass if it wasn't for them. Mainly my forehead, my pronounced eyebrows, nose and Adam's apple. I might get gendered correctly depending on how much effort I put into trying to pass, but I feel like it's due to my body which is admittedly feminine and my long hair. If people notice my face first I'm sure they'd clock me immediately.
What makes me sadder again is the fact that if some parts of my face were a bit softer, or rounder, or my nose a bit smaller and less prominent, if I didn't have such a huge Adam's apple etc... I'm sure hormones would've helped and made me pass well enough. Makeup is useless cause again, the features that make me not pass well are very structural and there's not much makeup can do to fix a very sloped forehead or a huge nose or very prominent brow ridge etc. Trust me, I tried before, many times. It just makes me look like a femboy wearing makeup at best, and an ugly ass mess at worst.
I don't think I'll be able to afford FFS anytime soon, if ever. I can barely afford my hormones which I've been on and off for 2 years. Face wise... nothing changed. I also tried to just accept my face for the longest of time, to no avail. The closest I've come to "acceptance" is through depersonalization and just not acknowledging what I look like, or engaging in very unhealthy coping mechanisms. Which is obviously not optimal.
I wish I started hormones earlier. I've known I was trans since I was 4-5 for fucks sake. I've come out to my parents at 13 and they told me to wait until I was an adult, independent and out of the country to transition (I live in a relatively conservative country). So I did. I waited. Didn't realize I would masculinize as much as I fucking did. I did everything I could do meanwhile to express myself congruent to how I feel. Basically had long hair since I was 14, I dress androgynous and feminine, I take care of my skin (which still manages to break out and look like shit), remove my body hair, shave every day etc. You could say I socially transitioned since I was a teen. I've been out to several people since I was 14, and came out again at uni at 18. At 20 (2 years ago) I realized I couldn't stand it anymore without hormones and started my physical transition, and here I am today feeling as dysphoric as ever. I've had some traumatic shit happen to me in these last 2 years and I feel like I'm at my wits end. I've been crying almost every day for the past few months. My dysphoria has never been this bad. I'm over it.
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2021.12.07 12:33 Suban33 How this "Turning of the Wheel" is feeling for the book readers.

The first spin really hits home because it was so close to be epic but its just all downhill, and with ep 5 I don't see a comeback. Will still watch Shad's videos over on Knights Watch though.
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2021.12.07 12:33 Tarrabyte__ Timmy Turner could make millions easily if he used the right wording

I had thought about this a few minutes ago. Timmy has Cosmo and Wanda. He can't wish for money or love, he can't wish for a better-tasting cupcake, (I THINK) he can't bring people back from the dead.
All he'd have to do is wish for cars, boats, other things like that and then sell them, he'd make a fortune. But then again he is 10.
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2021.12.07 12:33 purakii Something extremely weird just happened. My stepdad walked into my room, said “____” and then he left.

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2021.12.07 12:33 Rockstud101 Which of the following came first?

View Poll
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2021.12.07 12:33 Juliartworks Stainless steel pendants

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2021.12.07 12:33 genderacct "Butch/tomboy" when you're exclusively into men

I really relate to butch lesbians using he/him and transitioning with T and/or top surgery EXCEPT how central loving women is to their experience. I've tried to force myself to be into women just so I'd finally fit somewhere and stop being so confusing but it's honestly a no from me haha. I like women as friends only.
Anyone else? I love being masculine (in some traditional ways and also a bit in appearance, like everyone I'm a mix of the two but my characteinterests just skew traditionally masculine) and a top but Idk how to signal to other people I'm into men only. I keep my hair long but I'm pretty passable apparently due to my voice/stance.
Idk, sometimes it feels like I aged out of gender as a concept lol.
Thanks for making this space & indulging my posts while I work stuff out lol, its nice to have a space where I won't be dismissed as having internalised misogyny just from being misassigned female at birth and having masculine traits.
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2021.12.07 12:33 cyberus05 [LFG][18+][GMT][Online][5e][LGBTQ+] Trio looking for a DM willing to run a wildemount campaign

Hello, we are some folks interested in playing a wildemount-based campaign in an online campaign. We're currently three in total but another player may or may not join.
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2021.12.07 12:33 igloouk The Munsters - S01E06 - Low Cal Munster

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2021.12.07 12:33 RancerDS Dreaming about M:TG Arena Tokens

I like having lots of tokens!
I literally dreamt of having combinations of cards that would generate tokens in Arena. Naturally, Necroduality is the first thing that comes to mind. It's unfortunate that I don't have any of those cards. Combining it with zombies and adding some Glasspool and Mirrorhall Mimics can get you a lot of Champion of Perished onto the battlefield. Throw in some Reflections of Littjara and you might have a dozen of those Perished in the game.
Before I'd gotten onto Arena today, I was sure I was going to use one of my 33 mythic wild-cards to get Necroduality. But since my current zombie deck has over 100 cards, it would be less than a 1% chance of drawing it. I would love to be able to trade in 1 or 2 of my Tiamat to get it.
But naturally Arena isn't going to allow you to churn/dust cards to get others.... and CERTAINLY not going to allow you to trade cards with other player's accounts. I understand the ramifications if they did allow the latter.
I suppose I'll win one as an ICR around late August of '22.
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2021.12.07 12:33 ThickCandidate5502 Perfect gymnastics flip in a car

Perfect gymnastics flip in a car submitted by ThickCandidate5502 to IdiotsInCars [link] [comments]

2021.12.07 12:33 Jumpman6774 Chads Talking About Happiness

Chads Talking About Happiness submitted by Jumpman6774 to wholesomememes [link] [comments]

2021.12.07 12:33 Breezeph_0 can someone fricking help me i cant progress in the game because the biofuel is not popping up, no gui and no sprite, what the heck NMS

can someone fricking help me i cant progress in the game because the biofuel is not popping up, no gui and no sprite, what the heck NMS submitted by Breezeph_0 to NoMansSkyTheGame [link] [comments]

2021.12.07 12:33 WhoTookMyCoffee No no no, not again

No no no, not again submitted by WhoTookMyCoffee to memes [link] [comments]

2021.12.07 12:33 Disastrous_Cover6138 Why Santa's little helper looking like a Kardashian on Disney+?

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2021.12.07 12:33 Techlogic_Techniques An Examination of Mentors’ Interpersonal Behaviors and Mentees’ Motivation, Turnover Intentions, Engagement, and Well-Being - Najat Firzly, Melodie Chamandy, Luc Pelletier, Martine Lagacé, 2021

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2021.12.07 12:33 lordofthedolls Even in the Nexus where you can have anything you want, Kirk was cooking eggs in a cast iron pan.

Even in the Nexus where you can have anything you want, Kirk was cooking eggs in a cast iron pan. submitted by lordofthedolls to castiron [link] [comments]


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2021.12.07 12:33 MrComedy325 The Santa Claus Rally, Explained

As we approach the end of 2021, investors are hoping for a Santa Claus Rally.
Definition: A Santa Claus rally is when the stock market experiences a big jump during the final weeks of December into early January.
Data: Since 1993, the SPDR S&P 500 ETF Trust has produced a Santa Claus rally 68% of the time, according to Investopedia.
Catalyst: Analyst says that a Santa Claus rally typically happens so that investors can recover from a bad year. Liquidity from end-of-bonuses and tax considerations are among the reasons for this trend.
Final Thoughts: While there could be a Santa Class rally in 2021, some investors are skeptical due to the impact of the pandemic and inflation.
Hope you enjoyed this commentary. Please subscribe to Early Bird, a free daily newsletter that helps you identify investment trends: https://earlybird.email/
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2021.12.07 12:33 eaglemaxie Paris, France in 1898

Paris, France in 1898 submitted by eaglemaxie to OldSchoolCool [link] [comments]

2021.12.07 12:33 Bitlytic Vice One Logistics and Estimated Wait Time

I recently chose Vice One Logistics to transport a 2017 Hyundai Elantra from Florida to Wisconsin, and am now waiting for a confirmation of a driver. I was curious what the usual wait time is to find a driver around this time of year and that length of trip.
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2021.12.07 12:33 GTSBot [GTS] I own a genuine 100 trillion dollar banknote from the time of Zimbabwe's hyperinflation

[GTS] I own a genuine 100 trillion dollar banknote from the time of Zimbabwe's hyperinflation submitted by GTSBot to guessthesubreddit [link] [comments]

2021.12.07 12:33 IGOTALIGHT Bruh...what is this tryhard pic...

Bruh...what is this tryhard pic... submitted by IGOTALIGHT to eaudejerks [link] [comments]

2021.12.07 12:33 lowkeyfrank Day 2, been hungry like crazy how to deal?

Like the title states, its day 2 and im starving. I was hoping id be less ravenous without alcohol, is this temporary?
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2021.12.07 12:33 BlondeBoyFoot Socks for a sub and socks from a sub

Socks for a sub and socks from a sub submitted by BlondeBoyFoot to GaySockFetish [link] [comments]