My alcoholic father is slowly killing my enabling grandparents

2022.01.25 19:59 Field_Wizard My alcoholic father is slowly killing my enabling grandparents

I'm quite thankful for the grandparents I have. They helped me through college (housing and food) and paid for the therapy that helped me become the person I am today. My brother and I were on the path of becoming like our father, a chronic alcoholic and former drug dealer, and therapy helped us move past that reality to one where we are succeeding instead.
We did an intervention for my father several years back, the terms of which were for him to agree to get help and do it right or we're going to cut all ties and begin to mourn him. He was doing well for a few months until an old ex-girlfriend got in contact with him and in two month's time they were married and he was off the rehab/recovery/AA train.
During this time our therapist, who organized and facilitated the intervention, passed away due to complications with leukemia. My brother and I cut off our father, but our grandparents still have not, using excuses such as "we can't abandon our child" or "we can't let him starve" to continue to enable him in the hopes of saving him from his situation/wife.
They chauffeur him around as his own personal taxi, give him money to cover groceries and the ever frequent tire/medical/etc bill that his wife needs cash for (she's been in and out of prison several times for cocaine/crack, so that's where it's actually going). If he cashes his paycheck (when working) and brings it home, it's gone in a day, so they've been holding on to his money after payday requiring that any time he needs any that he bother them (at all times of night). They keep his tools (also for work) because if he brings them home they're pawned/sold nearly overnight for more drug money. They feed him any time he graces their doorstep, and if his wife gets too violent (he's lost his vision in one eye due to her beating him) he stays the night at their house. They pray for her to go to jail forever, not realizing somehow that his poor decisions got them all where they are in the present, and given the opportunity he'd do it again.
Both of my grandparents have had a stroke in the last year (they're in their early 80's). My grandmother took a severe hit to her short term memory so now during phone calls I have to repeat myself frequently when she asks what I'm cooking for dinner or what I do at my job, etc. My grandfather lost fine motor functionality on his left side, and can no longer play the banjo (one of the only hobbies he's kept up for over 30 years). They're increasingly no longer the people I remember, and it pains me to see them deteriorating before my eyes and living a drama-filled nightmare that they're electing to be a part of.
I had a few conversations with them in the last month, and they're digging in their heels. They're going to enable him, and there's no talking them out of it. After the last heated conversation this weekend, I've decided to distance myself emotionally from their situation, and I'm not having a good time of it; I know it's in my best interest, but I love these stupid old people and hate to see them suffer. There's really nothing left for me to say to them, though.
I'm at a loss now, and I feel the same as when I mourned my father, but this time for them. I'm not cutting off contact, but I'm no longer letting myself get angry or emotionally invested because of their situation when they complain about their suffering.
It hurts, I'll tell you that.
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